I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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