4 words: hood of his car
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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