My hand turned me down
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
