I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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