I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
