Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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