I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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