Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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