Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
