New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
