I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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