dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize