I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
