i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
