I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
