we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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