I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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