I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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