I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
