yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
