Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize