at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
