I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
