Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
