So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
