how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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