census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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