bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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