Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
