and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
