In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
