i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
