i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
