my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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