Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
