She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
