There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
is that a dick in a sweater?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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