Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
