The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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