Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
