epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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