Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
