i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
