just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
