My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
