My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
