butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
