life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
