I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
