and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found the puke drawer
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
