You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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