"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
