i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
