I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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