i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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