Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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