from now on my penis is your penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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