Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
