Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
