Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's rum buckets o'clock
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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