...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
