So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i now understand why vodka
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
