Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
