Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
